*When our children go through any struggle, we are right beside them for the ride. It is our greatest gift to be able to hold space for our children and to be there for them AND it can be so so scary and hard.
This vulnerable and raw journal entry from our Empowered Coach and Leader of the Parent Journey, Jennie paints a picture of what it's like to be on the roller coaster of emotions throughout your child's recovery process.*
I lay here awake desperately trying to fall asleep but the worrying is just too gripping.
My brain won’t shut off even though I desperately need a moment of quiet. As I write this I just realized that’s what must be going on in my daughter's head, the noise must be so loud at times that she herself can’t ever find the quiet.
But I lay here worrying that my daughter is about to have a relapse. She’s struggling and it feels like it’s getting worse. I feel everything closing in and I’m scared all over again like I was at the beginning of all this.
At this very moment I feel helpless and have zero control over the situation, yet I’ve been in the trenches with her before, I’ve supported, guided her and fed her and I can do it again! I know I can! At least that’s what I keep telling myself.
But…. there’s that but! But this time it feels different, this time she’s struggling differently, yet she so desperately wants to be able to eat and knows what she needs to do! But the thought of even putting the fork up to her mouth, the gag reflex, the nausea and the power she felt she had leading into the meal has quickly diminished and she physically can’t get the food into her. I feel lost….she feels lost!
I wrote the above in my notes on my phone while laying in bed about a week ago. It was a way for me to get my thoughts down so I could try to sleep that night. I had been secretly crying that day, desperate to find the strength to help my daughter, desperate to figure out what was going on, desperate to take control over the situation but completely lost as to how to go about it.
I took a moment to breathe and reminded myself recovery isn’t linear. I reached out to my daughter's team of professionals for help and started to feel a sense of relief knowing that she and I had the support we needed to get her through this next stage of her recovery. It’s not a relapse, it’s just that recovery is constantly changing, things are shifting and advanced recovery can be tricky to navigate through, but with the right people in your corner you can get through it!
Let’s be honest, there is no easy way through the recovery process, there is no easy answer. This is a long journey with lots of highs and lows. There are days I want to scream and cry because I’m so worried and then there are days I feel more at peace and I know everything is going to be alright in the end. The rollercoaster of emotions can be exhausting.
But… I refuse to give up! I will never give up and I’m pretty confident that my daughter knows I won’t either!
If you can relate or struggle currently on this journey with your child, please reach out! We are here to help! Jennie@empoweredrx.org!