Recovery & Lifting

By Allison Lafluer

Growing up, I never thought of myself as an active person, let alone an athlete, even though I consistently played sports and spent much of my free time outside doing something active. I also trained in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ) for over 15 years and genuinely loved the sport. It wasn’t until grad school, when my roommates, who were instrumental in my early recovery, described me as “athletic” that I paused to reconsider. I had always felt like I was trying to catch up, striving to meet some vague definition of what it meant to be athletic or active. I never truly felt like I belonged in sports or gym environments.

Part of that struggle came from not fitting the “ideal” image of an athlete. My body was often seen as something I succeeded despite of, not because of. Over time, my mind and my eating disorder latched onto that idea, and feelings of inadequacy and non-belonging took hold. Eventually, my eating disorder became intertwined with my physical activities and influenced how I saw myself, how I trained, and reinforced the belief that I didn’t truly belong unless I fixed something. While various factors contributed to these feelings, my eating disorder, body image, and self-esteem were at the core.

Thankfully, I’ve made a lot of progress. Those thoughts are much quieter and less frequent now, and when they do come up, I have tools to manage them. I eventually reached a place where I could start letting go of the relentless drive to prove myself and instead learn to work with myself and my body as it was. I even took a break from all exercise and movement for a while, which turned out to be liberating in its own way.

After a period of healing, I realized how much I genuinely enjoyed moving my body and how much I missed it. I just wasn’t sure how to reintroduce movement in a way that felt safe and supportive. After some exploration, I found Empowered and began strength training. Although I had some previous experience with lifting, it had never been the focus, so it felt both familiar and new and therefore a safe place to explore my relationship with movement and my body..

Lifting, especially within this community, has allowed me to practice and embrace many principles I learned in recovery.. I’ve developed a deeper awareness of my body’s needs and limits, and more importantly, how to honor them. I now check in with myself regularly: How am I feeling? What do I need? Why do I want to move today? These questions have helped me shift movement from being a tool of control to one of care. With that, I also think about my health and well-being for my whole self rather than focusing on one piece of it, such as my athletic ability. I’ve also learned to accept and respect what makes me different, rather than trying to change myself to fit someone else’s idea of an athlete and I’ve redefined athleticism in a way that honors my history, respects my boundaries, and celebrates my strength.

One of the most powerful realizations I’ve had is this: I don’t accomplish things despite my body,I accomplish them because of it, and because I nurture my relationship with it. That can still be hard to believe sometimes, but it has changed and improved my life so much.