What would be different if we saw souls instead of bodies? By Valerie Abelis

By Valerie Abelis

A handful of years ago, I was posed the question of “what would be different if we saw

souls instead of bodies?.

My response was a variation of the following:

If we saw souls instead of bodies, our perception of beauty would be so different.

We wouldn’t feel the need to focus on our physical appearance and instead could connect

to our internal qualities and strengths. It wouldn’t matter how big or small our bodies

are, just how big our hearts are.

Beauty would be measured in kindness, love, and empathy, not in pounds, inches, or miles. We would focus on how much joy we take in and radiate off, not how many calories we do or don’t consume. Hugs and connection would provide us with comfort and would hold so much more meaning than a reflection in the mirror ever could.

The amount of laughter and light in our eyes would be the measures of a successful day. Energy and life would shine through from inside of us, and we wouldn’t feel the need to prove ourselves through physical activity or eating habits that may or may not change our bodies. The size of our waists and thighs wouldn’t hold any power over us, as our power and strength would stem from the hope within us. Our worth would have nothing to do with our physical being and everything to do with the innate light and value within us.

I continue to find myself reflecting on this question all these years later. I continue to

wonder how different our experiences of life and our perceptions of ourselves and

others would be if there wasn’t so much pressure to look, act, and feel certain ways. I

also continue to wonder how so many of us got to this place of such self-criticism, low

self-esteem, and shame around our bodies and ourselves as a whole. After all, each of

us has a unique story, we’ve all been through different, even if in ways similar journeys,

and we all have so much more to offer to this world than our appearances. And yet, all

of our various roads so often lead to this place of feeling less than and not enough – not

small enough, not good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, etc.

At the end of the day, it’s not really about our bodies, though, is it? It’s about so much more; it’s about wanting to be accepted, to belong, to feel worthy. And, understandably so.

As humans we are all wired for safety, connection, and belonging. I like to think that

there’s generally a greater chance of these needs being met in smaller, more intimate

groups and communities by means of openness and vulnerability.

However, as part of a larger society that is full of so many systemic oppressions and injustices – sexism, racism, fatphobia, homophobia, etc.- safety and acceptance can feel so foreign and out of reach for a multitude of reasons. Why would we risk being authentic and making ourselves seen if we know that doing so could lead to the exact opposite of what we

desire, need, and deserve? We exist in a world that is constantly directly and indirectly

telling us to shrink in order to have worth, to stay quiet in order to keep the peace, to

always be happy in order to be liked, and to be selfless or else we’re selfish.

While we can’t singlehandedly change the larger systems at play, it’s important to

remember who profits from our insecurities and our silence. If we weren’t focusing on

our appearance and all the things that we are told are wrong with us, what could we

have the capacity to focus on? How much greater could our lives be? How much more

connected could we feel to the people and things that truly matter to us, as well as to

the present moment, the only one that we are guaranteed to have? In a world that tells

us to quiet our voices and change our bodies to be worthy, choosing to instead see our

own and others’ souls is an act of courage, and as they say, courage isn’t the absence

of fear, it’s the decision to act despite it.